your room smells of hookers.
And success
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Terrible idea I love it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
