Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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