Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
two words: eviction party
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
