we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
