Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
