Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
