He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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