I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
