was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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