Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
