so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
