im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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