Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
