I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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