How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
