I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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