Well apparently he's into motor boating.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
