i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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