Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
