last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
