found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
