just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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