Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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