Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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