Four minutes until I can fart!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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