I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
