you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
