escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
