I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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