I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
