It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
