god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and she was petting her beer can
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
