I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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