so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
