"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
God I need to hump something, right now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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