tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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