we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
