Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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