the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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