May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
