I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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