They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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