I got her a Nickelback box set.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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