dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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