This dress was meant to end up on your floor
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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