She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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