Already got asked if we're dating
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
