Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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