i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
