You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
