I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
