I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm passing your future prison.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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