I just threw up on my dentist
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
