I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
