Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
