guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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