ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize