one might say we're banned from that church
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
