The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
