I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
