Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
