I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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