Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
