HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The best revenge is premature balding
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
