The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I could fuck to npr.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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