don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
