My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
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