I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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