Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Church boner. Awkwardddd
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
