If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My dick has a subreddit
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
