jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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