i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
