You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize