guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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