i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
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First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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