wanna go halves on a baby?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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