I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him