I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
