please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Houston, we have a squirter
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
