I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
